Insights into Adoption
The following is a Q&A with Deona, a birth mother. With Hope Cottage’s help, Deona found and placed her child with a loving adoptive family.
Q: Can you share about your adoption experience?
A: Any time that adoption is on the table, deep down inside it’s gonna be hard on the parent(s). When I did my adoption, it was easier than what I thought it would be, but yet the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
Q: Why did you choose adoption?
A: I chose adoption for a lot of different reasons. My main reason was because I didn’t want to raise a child on the streets and then have that child become a “product” of the streets. Not having a place to live, meals to eat, and with what it takes to survive out here, I felt that my son deserved better and he deserved a fighting chance…not just to always be set up for failure. I feel that he’s BETTER than that. Also because I’m an addict. I don’t want either one of my babies growing up seeing their mother a drug addict. BOTH OF MY KIDS deserve better than that.
I miss my son with each day, but I know that his adoptive family will always be there for him and take care of him the way that he deserves. There may not be hope for me, but that baby has a chance now, one that he probably wouldn’t have had if he stayed with me. And that hurts me to say, but truth is truth. And if the truth hurts, you have to do something to change that.
Q: What has your relationship looked like with the adoptive parents?
A: I think the relationship I have with them is awesome. My heart is at peace knowing that I did the right thing. I feel that I gave my son a second chance. He gets to have a loving home with loving parents who only want the best for him. He doesn’t have to be raised out there on the streets, and I don’t have to worry about his well-being while I’m out here on the streets. I know he’s gonna have a good education growing up and he’s not gonna be set up for failure. His adoptive parents are amazing!! I don’t think I could have ever picked a better set of parents for my little boy.
Q: What do you hope the relationship will look like going forward?
A: My hope is that my relationship with my son’s adoptive parents will only grow. My hope is to be involved in my son’s life and activities as he grows up. I hope that when he is able to understand the whole situation he’ll actually want to sit and discuss me his feelings and/or concerns with me (if any). That goes for his adoptive parents as well, I hope that one day they may want to get to know me better; and I hope that they always tell my little boy how much his tummy mama loved him.
Q: What would you want to share with other birth mothers who are considering adoption?
A: I probably would say to think everything through first. But keep in mind that you are that child’s mother/parent first and your responsibility as a mother is assessing your child’s safety and well-being as a whole. Take your time in considering the adoptive parents. If you have to, write out the pros and the cons you have about each family. Always, listen to your heart. Your heart isn’t gonna lead you wrong. Be strong. It’s gonna get hard, but know that you’re making the best decision for your child.
Q: What would you like adoptive families to know?
A: Well, first off try and be patient with the bio parents. I would also say maybe take time to get to know the parent who had the child. You never know someone’s story unless you ask and wanna hear what they may have to say.