Closed Adoption; Open Heart
Every adoption is unique. Our staff works hard to help every birth parent find a family that is a good fit. Part of that includes determining what kind of information and communication they want in the future with the adoptive family.
Levels of openness range from closed to fully open. In a closed adoption, the birth parents have no identifying information on the adoptive family and choose not to have any contact. The other end of the continuum is a fully disclosed adoption, in which the birth parents and adoptive parents share all identifying information and arrange for visits and communication on a consistent basis.
While most adoptions today have some level of openness, there are some instances in which that is not the case. In the article below, one of our Birth mothers - who was herself adopted as a child - explains why she made the tough decision to have a closed adoption while making her own adoption plan.
Adoption is not an easy decision. It took a lot of thinking and spiritual guidance to get me through the process, but it was the decision that will give my daughter the best life possible. I chose a placement that is not as common: closed adoption. Let me give you some background: I myself am adopted. My birth mom was in my life from very early on. I met her when I was only three years old and I saw her once or twice a year after that until I was about sixteen or seventeen. Now, I am not saying this is how all adoptions turn out, but this is my story, and the outcome of this story influenced my decision to pursue a closed adoption.
At a young age, learning about my adoption wasn’t the issue. I was happy that my birth mom made the decision to give me a better life, one where I would be able to experience more, but my relationship with her was difficult. Sometimes I felt a little weird because my birth mom went on to have other kids (which is totally fine), and I felt like it was being shoved in my face. I was only four when she had another baby, and then six when she had her second. I understood everything about my adoption perfectly, but I can’t lie and say it didn’t hurt seeing her have more children while I was growing up. Now that I am older, I’m very grateful, and I understand why she did what she did. She got pregnant at fifteen… I got pregnant at twenty-one. This is my reason for choosing a closed adoption. I don’t want to have my life without her in my daughter’s face. Whatever comes my way, I want her to be able to know me. But I don’t want her to experience that personal connection until she is older and more mature, and can understand all of this better. It’s a lot of information for a child, and I don’t want it to affect her the way it affected me. She has wonderful parents, and I know that they will supply her with all of the information she needs until the day that might possibly meet. I know I made the right decision, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
To this day, I still have my daughter’s hospital bands, along with pictures and videos of her before she was placed. I look at them all the time, and I treasure them. When she was born, I wrote my daughter and her parents a letter to read when she is older. The decision was obviously hard to come to terms with, but in the end, I am happy with it. I know my daughter is loved more than anything by an amazing family, and that means the world to me. I want her to have the life I had growing up. Sadly, I couldn’t provide that for her, but it is amazing to know that through adoption, her adoptive family can provide that comfort and stability for her.