Love Notes from a Hope Cottage Youth Educator

This morning, I woke up at 6:00 AM, threw on my work clothes, showered, ate, and drove 70 minutes to deliver three hours of Love Notes relationship health presentations to a group of male juvenile detention residents.

I love my job.

There’s no such thing as a ‘typical’ workday in Hope Cottage Youth Ed. In my two months with the organization, I have driven to and presented at nonprofit summer camps, public school-managed day programs, and juvenile justice centers. In less than a month, the Youth Ed Team will begin daily presentations at local public schools.

Nor is there such a thing as a ‘typical’ group of kids. Every organization, and every group within that organization, and every culture and subculture within that group, has its own dynamic. Middle school groups turn hysterical the moment we mention ‘sex’ - in these settings, three letters are the new four letters. High schoolers, on the other hand, stare despondently at the floor in quiet solidarity against participation itself.

I love my job because our students know, even if they will not admit it to themselves, that relationship health is a pressing issue for teens navigating the stresses of first loves, pubescent hormones, and Instagram-influenced relationships. I love my job because the bawdier, rowdier, and ‘edgier’ the kids, the greater the impact of our programs.

I love my job because Love Notes curriculum materials are rich with research-driven insights into the ‘science’ of relationships. Students often bring burning questions about consent, respect, communication, infatuation, and safety to Love Notes conversations: “Why do I want to break up with the guy I fell in love with only two weeks ago?” “Why do I try my hardest to not be like my parents, then fight with my girlfriend just like dad used to fight with mom?” “Why do movies and TV shows teach about love at first sight when relationships take so much hard work?” “Is my relationship abusive or controlling?”

I love my job because although Love Notes cannot fully answer questions shaped by individual experience, it does empower teens to identify and cultivate healthy relationships. Private journal activities help students to confront and define their own experiences, values, and aspirations, and offer them a meaningful reference to consult long after they finish their Love Notes sessions.

I love that the vulnerability shared by my students when they open up about these inward thoughts often take us on journeys through the stormy waters of human distress and fallibility. Just today, several of my students shared their experiences as members of broken homes, as teen fathers with pregnant partners, as former psych ward patients, and as newbies to the ‘relationship health’ game who saw themselves in the perpetrators, rather than the victims, of abuse. Love Notes exists, in part, to teach students skills that break these cycles.

I love that I left my last teaching session in tears because one of my students asked me, in reference to his own narcissistic relationship habits, “Can I change?” Since Love Notes affirms that relationships, and life itself, are all about choices, I have never been happier to say yes. Never, that is, except when somebody asks me if I love my Hope Cottage job.