Talk to Your Child's Teachers About Trauma. You Are Your Child's Biggest Advocate!

Sad Child

My wife and I adopted our daughter from foster care when she was four, and Hope Cottage supported us throughout the entire process. Like many others, we were foster parents first, but we always hoped to adopt. After two long years, our adoption day finally arrived. In movies, adoption is always the happily ever after. We are happy, but adoption is not a fairy tale. Real-life is filled with challenges.Our daughter's trauma history delayed her social and emotional development, and one of the most notable places trauma history has impacted our daughter's life is school. Her delayed social and emotional development sometimes manifests as maladaptive behavior that can cause classroom disruptions.Research in recent decades has revealed that adverse childhood experiences impact neurological development. Vital skills such as complex thought, reasoning, emotional regulation, memory, and speech are underdeveloped in children with trauma history. As a result, teachers often struggle to connect with these students.As parents, we had many questions at first. For example, when should we talk to the teacher? What information should we share, and what is best to keep private? How can we advocate without being perceived as "high-maintenance?" But, as time passed, we learned some tips that I want to share.

Schedule a meeting early in the school year.

Meet the Teacher Night is a great time to introduce yourself but not the best time for an extended conversation. Instead, ask about their availability for a conference. Then, ask them about their preferred method of contact, and follow up using their preferred method as soon as possible. For example, after your first introduction, send an email that reads, "It was a pleasure to meet you last night. I want to meet with you at your earliest convenience to discuss my child's unique challenges." Keep the message short, and give them time to reply. Teachers have lots to do during the beginning of the school year. Therefore, they may need extra time to respond to your request.

Prepare for the meeting.

Read as much as possible about your child's diagnosed conditions. Some children have many diagnoses, such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Reactive Attachment Disorder, or Bi-Polar Depression. These conditions have characteristic symptoms, but neurodivergent people rarely fit the textbook descriptions of any diagnosed condition perfectly. In other words, ADHD may have twelve typical symptoms, but your child may not display all twelve. For example, they might struggle to sustain attention but are not usually hyperactive. Learn how diagnosed conditions may influence your child's behaviors to understand where your child may need the most support. Gather any documents that help clarify your child's conditions. These could include copies of your child's individualized education plan, a 504 plan, a report from a CANS assessment, or even previous examples of school assignments. The goal is to provide resources to help the teacher get to know your child and understand their unique challenges.

Attend the meeting.

Always be prompt and start and end every meeting by thanking them for their time. The conference's primary objective is to build a relationship with your child's teacher. Open by describing any challenging behaviors mentioned by previous teachers and ask if they have had the same experience. Let them know how you worked with teachers last year to support them. Ask the teacher if they have any questions or concerns and offer them a chance to look at the documents you brought.

Stay connected and informed throughout the year.

Sometimes there is a honeymoon period during the first few weeks of school when some students mask their maladaptive behaviors. As they become more comfortable with their new environment, they may start to present more challenging behaviors. Let the teacher know you want to keep an open dialogue throughout the year. Ask them about any upcoming events like field trips or class projects, and ask if you can offer any help. Find out when homework is assigned so you can help your child complete their work on time. Younger grade teachers may have a folder they use to help students stay organized. You should check this folder often. Older students may need your help to develop their own system of organization.The goal is to develop professional relationships with your child's teachers to help your child be successful. You are your child’s greatest advocate, so it’s important that you work together with the school to obtain the necessary resources for your child to learn and thrive. Remember that the school environment is different from your home, and the behaviors that a teacher observes may not be present at home. Let the teacher tell you how much support they need from you. Stay connected, stay informed, and always show gratitude.

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Should I be a Foster Parent? Ten questions to help you find out if you have what it takes.