Positive Adoption Language: Why the Words We Choose Matter!
Positive adoption language is a robust vocabulary set that all people involved in the adoption process must learn. It is more than jargon. Positive adoption language conveys more than facts; it communicates our values. The words we choose tell people who we love and what we believe is “real.” Positive adoption language evokes positive feelings and redefines societal perceptions of family. In addition, it challenges outdated information about adoption. When we choose more inclusive words over emotion-laden words, we can help educate others about adoption.
Here are some tips on using positive adoption language:
Say “birthparent” instead of “real parent.” This shows respect for the relationship between adoptees and their parents. Another essential thing to remember is that a mother is not a “birthmother” until she has terminated her parental rights.
Say “made an adoption plan” instead of “gave the baby away.” Giving away is what you do to old clothes, something you don’t want anymore. Birthparents make an adoption plan because they love their child and want the best for them.
Similarly, say “to parent” instead of “to keep.” Children are not property.
A child is not “taken away”; the courts have terminated parental rights.
A child is “a child placed for adoption,” not an “unwanted child.”
A child is “born to unmarried parents,” not “illegitimate.”
A child “was adopted,” not “is adopted.” Adoption is an event, not a state of being.
A “search” is made for birth parents. They are not “tracked down.”
Parents are just that – parents, not “adoptive parents.”
Instead of saying “real child, natural child,” and “adopted child.” Say this is my “child from birth” and my “child I adopted.” Ideally, you should refer to all of your children as “children,” but there may be times when you need to clarify. For example, when applying for a passport, the officials will ask to see proof of adoption. If you have multiple children who are biological and adopted, you may need to clarify who is represented by each form.
So often, people use hurtful words unintentionally because no one has bothered to help them learn positive adoption language. If you are unsure how to communicate using positive adoption language, please listen to birth parents, adoptive parents, and adopted children. Learn how they honor one another. You should always try your best to show respect when you speak and be ready to adapt as the definition of family continues to evolve in society.
The language we choose creates the world we inhabit. In our world, loving families are celebrated and cherished in all their diverse forms. We welcome and support all of them – birth, foster, and adoptive parents; dual and single-parent households; and people of all backgrounds, faiths, sexual orientations, and identities. We use positive adoption language with the hopes that it will someday become the standard.