Parenting While Making an Adoption Plan

If you are considering making an adoption plan for your second child (or third, fourth, etc.), you may be experiencing some feelings of doubt, anxiety, or uncertainty. You may also be struggling with telling your current children about your adoption plan. This is a very common concern for many women considering or pursuing adoption, so don’t worry. Today we look at a few common questions you might receive from your child and a few ways to introduce your child to the idea of adoption.

How do I tell my child about my adoption plan?

If at all possible, begin to explain adoption to your children throughout the entire pregnancy. Make sure to use “positive adoption language” that is age appropriate, and only tell them what they need to know at the time.

What do I say when they ask where the baby is going?

Explain to them that their sister/brother will always be part of their family no matter what, but the baby will be living with another “mommy” and “daddy” who will love them very much. Encourage them to share their feelings and remind them that it is normal to feel sad. But also remind them all of the good things that will take place in the baby’s life because of the adoption and that the baby will always be their brother or sister.

Adoption is a lifelong decision, so in the meantime, try introducing your child to adoption by:

1. Watching Adoption Movies with Your Children: 

   • There are several children’s movies that have an adoption theme. Select movies that are appropriate for your children’s ages, and be sure to take time after the movie to discuss how adoption was portrayed in the movie. Movies with adoption themes include Disney’s Tarzan, the Tigger Movie, Stuart Little, Meet the Robinsons, The Odd Life of Timothy Green, and The Land Before Time. There are countless other adoption-related movies, so search online and find one that you feel is appropriate for your child’s age.

2. Reading Adoption Books with Your Children: 

   • There are also adoption-themed children’s books that may help prepare your children for adoption. One great book is Sam’s Sister by Juliet C. Bond. This book is unique because it explains adoption from the perspective of a young girl whose mother places her younger brother for adoption. Sam’s Sister explains adoption in a positive, reassuring manner for young children to understand.

3. Involving Your Children in the Adoption Process: 

   • After you have told your children about your adoption plan, it may be beneficial to involve them in the adoption process. If you feel it is appropriate, include your children in the selection of the adoptive family by helping you look through family print profiles and video profiles.

4. Allowing Your Children to Express Their Emotions: 

   • While this is an emotional time for you, remember that your children can also be experiencing a wide range of emotions. Encourage your children to express their emotions by having them write letters, draw pictures or make crafts for their brother or sister. Allowing them to honor their sibling allows a healing process; this could be as simple as choosing a blanket or stuffed animal for the baby. Small activities like these will encourage your children to express their emotions during this time and to give their brother or sister a special keepsake.

If you would like more detailed information on creating an adoption plan for your child while still parenting, feel free to call or text 469-418-4518 to speak with a pregnancy and adoption counselor.