A Match Meeting with potential adoptive parents can feel a lot like a first date.  All the nerves, emotions, and wondering, “Will they like me?” or, maybe more importantly, “Will I like them?” are right there on the surface.  You’ll probably spend some time picking out what to wear and thinking about how to do your hair.  With all of the potential anxiety, excitement, and nervousness—the potential to meet the family who might raise your child—it’s understandable that you could feel overwhelmed before the meeting. Although we can’t guarantee you won’t feel some swirling emotions, we think that following these few tips might help you relax and even enjoy the meeting. 

Do a little preparation.

Nervousness can have an unexpected side-effect: forgetfulness.  The best way to battle forgetfulness is to do a little preparation ahead of time.  Think through your hopes for this meeting.  What is it that you want to walk away knowing about this family?  It will be helpful to write down a few topics or questions that you have…and don’t be afraid to pull out your list during the meeting!

Here are a few questions that might help get you started:

1. Why do you want to adopt?

2. What is your family like?

3. Who is most likely to help you with this child?  (Grandparents, aunts/uncles, babysitters, child care?)

4. What do you like to do in your free time?

5. What job do you have? If you’ve already seen the family’s Profile Book, ask some questions that came up when you were flipping through the pages, i.e. I saw that you guys went on a beach vacation -is that something you do every year?  Tell me more about your dogs!

When preparing for the meeting, be sure to include your counselor.  She will be able to tell you the flow of the meeting and how things typically go.  Use your counselor’s expertise to help you brainstorm some good questions for the family.  Your counselor has participated in many Match Meetings before and will be able to help you feel more comfortable walking into the meeting.

Remember…everyone is nervous.

It’s not just you—the adoptive family is feeling the butterflies too.  Most adoptive families have been waiting for a long time to receive this call and meet.  This meeting might help them fulfill their dreams of having a family.  It’s safe to say they are nervous too.  They are also wondering, “Will she like us?” and hoping to impress you.  So before you walk into the meeting, pause and take a breath; remind yourself that everyone is just as nervous as you are.

With all the nervousness in the room, there might be a few awkward pauses in the conversation.  But that’s okay!  Push through the awkward moments.  You can use the list of questions you prepared beforehand or rely on your counselor to help move the conversation along.   In the end, the good moments of the meeting will outweigh the awkward ones. 

Be open and honest with your counselor throughout the process.

The Match Meeting is over.  You can breathe a sigh of relief…your relationship with the family only gets easier from here. Most Match Meetings last for only an hour or two.  In that amount of time, it’s hard to cover every piece of information, which means you might walk away with some unanswered questions.  Or, you may still be uncertain if this is the right family for you.  Whatever questions, doubts, or feelings you experience, it’s a good idea to talk to your pregnancy counselor.  Counselors are there to help you process this information (you’re probably on information overload!) and make sure you feel confident about your decision in choosing a family. At the end of the day, there are no “perfect” families, so don’t try to find one!  However, you can expect to find a family that will love your child, treat you with respect, and provides the future you want for your child. If you have any questions about adoption or Match Meetings, please contact Hope Cottage at 214-526-8721.