When adoption comes into the hospital, it can be a stressful time for all involved. There are so many moving parts: birth parents, adoption agency workers, adoptive families, and more.  As nurses enter the rooms of moms considering adoption, they don’t know what lead these parents to consider adoption, how much counsel they have received, and if they have had a difficult time making this decision. It can be easy to allow past personal or professional experiences to impact how adoption is discussed and how a patient is treated in the delivery room. In order to make the best of a sometimes (very difficult) situation while still remaining unbiased towards your patient’s choice, follow these seven steps.

Stay up-to-date on your hospital’s policies and procedures.

Who in your department do you contact with questions? Does mom have a hospital plan? Are the adoptive parents involved in this plan? Does the security band need to stay with the birth parent(s), or are adoptive parents allowed one as well? The answers to these questions vary by hospital, so it’s important to know the rules and regulations at your hospital to keep everything running smoothly. It’s important that birth parents, adoptive parents, and staff understand these policies clearly, to avoid confusion.

Know state laws regarding adoption. 

When does mom sign relinquishment documents? Can her family fight her choice and choose to “parent” her child? What about the birth father’s rights? What happens if he shows up? Remember, a nurse’s responsibility is to their patient, and part of advocating for a mom is knowing the laws that will impact her during and after delivery. Laws will vary from state to state.

She is the mom.

A woman is not a “birth mom” until she has signed relinquishment documents. Before relinquishment occurs, she is the mom. This means that she maintains all legal rights and responsibilities toward the baby.  All questions about healthcare should be addressed to mom unless she tells you otherwise. Ask the mom who is allowed to visit and see the baby, and tell her to give you a signal when she wants the visit to end.  Do not assume that anyone other than the mom has a right to see the baby after delivery. Keeping mom’s wishes will further empower her during this decision.

Remember, it’s OK to ask questions.

Many patients will come into the hospital having an adoption plan in place. Part of this plan will include what is often called a Hospital Plan.  You can ask about a mom’s Hospital Plan to find out the details important to her delivery and placement. Questions a Hospital Plan will answer:

• Mom’s preferences during labor and delivery: Does she want an epidural, lights dimmed, music in the room, etc.?

• Mom’s openness agreement with adoptive parents: Will the adoptive parents be in the room during delivery or not? Will the adoptive parents be in the room after delivery? Will mom want time in the room with adoptive parents (without the baby in the room)? And much more.

• Mom’s contact with baby after delivery: Does mom want time alone with baby after delivery, or not? Does mom want to give the baby her first feeding or not?  Does the mom plan to breastfeed? Will she have visitors while in the hospital? Does she want the baby to room with her?***The most important thing to remember is that any of the plans made by mom can change at any time. Be respectful of her wishes.

Learn Positive Adoption Language.

A nurse’s language around adoption can have a negative impact on the mom.  You may be using negative language without even realizing it. Here are a few things to remember: Don’t say, “give up a child for adoption” or “adopted out.” Use the term “made an adoption plan” instead. If a mom decides not to place, it is called “parenting,” not “keeping the baby.”The way we talk — and the words we choose — say a lot about what we think and value. Keeping the conversation neutral is always best for you and mom.

Request adoption training for your practice or hospital.

Training may be a helpful venue in which to ask questions and identify ways to increase support for patients making adoption plans. Hope Cottage provides CEUs and Professional Development sessions free of charge to hospitals and clinics. To learn more about adoption education for professionals or to schedule a session for your staff, visit our education page.

Know your impact.

A nurse’s impact on moms and birth moms will not be forgotten. A nurse may never know the amount of grief, loss, or emotion a birth mom could be experiencing. She may not have any other support once she leaves your hospital. By treating her with respect, you empower her decision and voice. Not all moms will remember who you are, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

For those of you who work with our clients, thank you for your kindness, compassion, professionalism, and dedication toward women who are in a very difficult situation.  We have had the opportunity to work with countless nurses in the DFW area, and it’s safe to say- we couldn’t do it without you!  Please know what a difference your care makes in the lives of women and children, and continue to be the best nurse you can be.